How to be a Grumpy Old Manager!
The ‘grumpy old men' and ‘grumpy old women' comedians have been brilliant at making us laugh at our discontent. Humour is a great teacher. Grumpy old managers get results (or else they would be grumpy old out-of-workers) so why not find out:
The Grumpy Old Manager (or GOM) makes jokes against him or herself
Making jokes against yourself allows you to tackle what could be difficult issues in a more approachable way.
For example: if someone is consistently late into work, you can ball them out. OR you could lightheartedly suggest ‘ I suppose its my fault you are late again. I guess I'm such a heartless manager that you sit cowering outside the office for ages too scared to come in. I know I'm so dreadful that you can't bear to work for me. What could I do to possibly make you feel better about coming in to work on time?'
Such a dialogue could be private, if you think there is a real problem, and you simply need a light hearted way to get started. Done publicly it communicates to everyone else that you have noticed lateness and its not OK.
The Grumpy Old Manager delegates as much as possible
The GOM needs to delegate everything in order to have plenty to complain about.
If you delegate a dreary task (and lets face it, some tasks are dreary) – acknowledge that it isn't going to thrill the individual. “ Look John, here's a boring job, I really hate it, but it needs doing. As I'm a grumpy old manger and you aren't, I'm going to tell you to do it. I'm not even going to ask you, because if you had any sense you would say no. However, you'd better deliver it on time every week, or I shall get chopped. If I don't get chopped I could probably reward you with…. (some carrot)”
Such a dialogue prevents you having to dream up lots of lies about why delegating this task will be nice for the individual, and offered with the right carrot, enables the individual to take the task without having to pretend to be pleased.
The Grumpy Old Manager plans everything
The GOM of comedy spends a lot of time plotting the downfall of everyone else. The GOM of office life plans everything in order to complain about all the things that have to be done, all the risks that have to be managed and all the people who have to be engaged.
To be a true GOM you have to plan out in great detail how you are going to deliver better results than everyone else, enabling you to be magnificently grumpy about the uselessness of other teams and the absolute brilliance of your own.
The Grumpy Old Manager has a great team
Of course, the reason why a GOM can be so happily grumpy is because work is under control, each member of the team knows what they have to deliver (and the likely result of slacking), and the GOM praises his team to the skies to everyone else.
